just numbing out

Posted by lawgirl20 on August 16, 2008 11:11 pm

I am 7 days completely sober. I would not consider my self an alcoholic, which i am told most alcoholics don't, but i really don't think i am. But i have been numbing out for months... When the world just go too tough, i would go out with friends, or even by myself and just drink. Last week i drank 10 beers, 5 shots and two of some weird drink... all within 3 hours. I have never been a heavy drinker and was brought up with the strict guidlines to never drink. But somehow drinking just became a coping mechanism and i stuck with it. My senior year in high school i would have one or two beers and that would take a major edge off for me. Now i start with two and just cant seem to stop or have any inhabition to stop. I tell myself, friends and those around me that i will only have one or two and i am done. But by the end of the night i am the drunk girl stumbling to the bathroom. *sigh* I do not even know what to think anymore.

My parents are both good christians and last week i was going to work for my brother on sunday, well the night before i went out with a friend and we got very very drunk. I quit drinking about 1 1/2 before i went into work for my brother. He and everyone else there knew i was still drunk. My brother talked to my parents that night and my other brother... seems my family is fairly conserned about me. They knew i was going down hill and not very happy with my life. My mom's way of dealing with it all, is to be the biggest bitch you have ever met. I understand she is upset but, at this point, I am twenty years old, live on my own, work at a very good job and am going to college to be a lawyer, if that hasn't made her happy yet, why should drinking make her more upset? She was never happy to begin with.

I guess over all my feelings are disappointment in myself for taking an enjoyment and fun thing like drinking and making it a coping mechanism. That should have never became that way. It just got out of hand, very fast. It works, oh it works, don't get me wrong. But then i wake up and the only way to cure the feelings of the next day are to drink more.... it just seems as if it is a balloon that has water in it, it settles down and then all the sudden, someone shakes it back up...

I started counseling this week... i made a decision to stop drinking until my life is back in order and i am happy again. I am on the way to a good start. I have a good couselor who is ready to get down to the core issues between me and my mom. It looks like a really rough road and i gota be honest and say i am really scared but i know it will be worth it. I want be married, 4 kids and be a lawyer.... i know if i don't stop this road i am down... my liver will fail or i will drink so much i go into a comatose state and never wake up....

So it is time to make the hard decisions and stick to my guns... no more numbing out... gona live my life to the fullest....

Tags: drinking,addiction,family

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Not another hangover

Posted by DiaryQueen on November 29, 2007 1:45 pm

I can't believe how crappy I feel after drinking too much. Alcohol that is. Not water. You would think I would get the picture by now that it really wrecks havoc with the old body, never mind the mind. What is it going to take to get "it" ? How many more cocktails will be consumed before it finally hits home that less is more?

Tags: drinking

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